News in Briefs: Ron Paul Announces: I Would Not Vote For Me

by Krebus Toppel, D.C. Desk-Swain News Service

NO PEST GRIP: Ron Paul demonstrates the Vulcan death pinch he uses to keep "pesky Republicans" at a distance.

Republican presidential hopeful Ron Paul announced yesterday that he will not support any candidate chosen to be the GOP nominee for the White House in 2012. Citing loyalty with the differing political philosophies of his contributors and supporters versus the rest of the Republican field, Paul went so far to suggest that he won’t support anyone for the Presidency.

“Congressman Paul has made it very clear that at this particular time, there is no qualified candidate to run the country,” said Paul spokesperson Clu Lesser. “As a matter of fact,” he continued, “I have it on good authority that the Congressman advises against voting for him as well.”

“I’ve heard rumors to that effect,” says Paul campaign coordinator Exeter Gravyboat. “Dr. Paul is a firm believer in smaller government and you can’t get much smaller than not electing someone.”

“It’s a fascinating concept,” said Dr.Crainius Kingspittle, Dean of the School of Proportionately Superior Thinking and Chest Thumping at Harvard University. “Choosing ‘no choice’ for the White House is certainly a choice. Not the choice I would choose but a choice to choose nonetheless. But in choosing that choice, is the choice a smart choice? After all, who would officiate at the annual Thanksgiving turkey pardon or sleep with the First Lady?”

Whatever the final outcome, it’s certain to be an interesting election season with campaign signs already littering front yards in New Hampshire, featuring a glowering photo of Congressman Paul with the caption: “Don’t Vote For Ron Paul- Ron Paul Wouldn’t!”

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3 Responses to “News in Briefs: Ron Paul Announces: I Would Not Vote For Me”

  1. I believe I’m related by former marriage to Clu Lesser… Always get another source before believing anything that man says!

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