In The News: U.S. Prez Rating Dips

by Krebus Toppel, D.C. Office- Swain News Service

The motto around the Nation’s Capitol these days may very well be “When It Rains It Pours”. In an announcement eerily reminiscent of the historic S & P downgrading of the American credit rating from AAA to AA, the Glum Institute in Stockholm has downgraded the Presidency of the United States from a perfect 5 to a lesser 4 rating, lowering the International Leadership Index Standard of Barack Obama from “Presidential” to “White House Resident”.

THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING PRESIDENT: If the President continues to diminish in world stature, will he soon be traveling to Europe in Handbag One?

“This came as a complete surprise to the President as soon as we inform him,” said White House spokesperson Myah Opiah in an impromptu press meeting at Ben’s Chili Bowl, a favorite hangout of the President when introducing foreign leaders to the health foods of America. “I can assure you that the President is hard at work, focused on the immediate concerns of this nation,” she said exiting swiftly with four bags of half-smokes, fries and a tureen of chili.

“I want to assure the nation that this unprecedented announcement will not deter me from the task at hand,”  announced the President several hours later on a memo partially obscured by a chili stain. “I have every intention in this historic time unprecedented in history to blame the Congress who must be forced to do the will of the People. The People who elected them. And the People who will kick them out of office. Not me. Them. I cannot stress the historic importance of this enough. Have I mentioned that this is unprecedented?”

“I really couldn’t have said it better myself,” said Vice-President Joe Biden, looking interestedly at the memo. “And by the way,” he inquired, “where’d you get the chili?”

After hearing the news of his rating reduction , President Obama maintains a cool composure and continues the diligent task of watching out for enemy paratroopers dropping from the sky and infiltrating D.C. recreational areas.

“It’s not apparent, for the moment, what effect this may have on our relationship with foreign governments, especially those in other countries,” read a statement from Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank’s office. “But you can bet we’ll be able to negotiate our way around the situation, especially if they don’t hear about it.”

“I’m not certain this is any big deal at all,” countered Capitol Hill analyst Ivan Gottplenty. “It’s only a one point dip. Two points would be more serious. That’s ‘Commanding Tenant-at-Will’. A three point dip would be near catastophic. That’s designated as ‘Vagrant-In-Chief’.”

That would place President Obama at a 2 Rating on the scale. But what about the lowest. What about a 1 rating?

Gottplenty shivered even at the prospect and spoke softly as if he didn’t want to be heard. “It’s bad,” he said, “really bad. It’s the kind of thing anyone in Washington would sell their soul to avoid. It’s horrible. It’s monstrous. It’s a terror unlike any other!” He swallowed painfully and then continued. “The 1 rating mean… it means…it means…” He could barely speak but through tears and terrified clenched teeth, but before falling into a dead faint, uttered the words: ‘private U.S. citizen’!”

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2 Responses to “In The News: U.S. Prez Rating Dips”

  1. I’m surprised someone hasn’t arranged an alien invasion to boost the poll numbers. But it’s early in the political race…

  2. chandlerswainreviews Says:

    Sources from The Science Desk are that the White House has indeed been in negotiations with alien civilizations in an effort to stage a “show invasion” but talks have broken down over differences in hourly wages and scheduled snack breaks. However, this does not preclude a possible alternative plan that would involve an invasion from Canada, a plan that was actually implemented during the Carter administration but no one noticed and the idea abandoned. Stay tuned to The Huffing Tongue Post for more updates.

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