Republicans & Democrats Unite to Outsource Obama

by Krebus Toppel, Swain News Service

In Washington D.C., when discussing “boots” it is always wise to make certain you are equipped with footwear appropriate to the task. During yesterday morning’s White House press conference, President Barack Obama vowed that if his Jobs Bill wasn’t passed by Congress, they would be “booted out of town.” Surprisingly, members of Congress didn’t take the challenge laying down and in a stunning display of bipartisan unity, the usually fractious Democrats and Republicans reached across the aisle to support the filing of legislation to outsource the Presidency.

“Bottom line, we’re all sick of the guy,” said Congressional Cocoa Caucus leader Melvin Gabsbottom. “I don’t know why he’s so angry with all of us. None of us here on The Hill have done anything.”

WHO'S WHO IN GETTING THE BOOT?: If the White House is outsourced to Mumbai, will President Obama become President "Hi, My Name Is Steve"?

“We’re in a crisis mode right now,” remarked long-time Congressional assistant Jerry Meander, “and we certainly don’t need to be picked on, what with all of the arrangements to be made for the Columbus Day Weekend holidays, Thanksgiving  preparations, not to mention buying Halloween candy and, my God, do you realize the Christmas holidays are right around the corner?”

The proposed bill would retain the Constitutionally imperative Executive Branch office of the Presidency, but outsource it to a location in India, where it has been reported by the Congressional Super Committee that considerable budgetary savings could be found by buying “local” and doing the Presidential laundry on a rock.

Capitol scuttlebutt is that the location chosen was an intentionally strategic one, putting the displaced President on the other side of the Globe, where, as one unnamed former House Speaker said, “whenever that man wants to hold a childish media circus, instead of rudely interrupting Kim Kardashian’s visit with Hoda on “The Today Show”, he’ll be twelve time zones and in the middle of my night’s sleep away.”

Word from the Senate is that there is an almost unanimous consensus to form an exploratory committee to study the possibility of considering the House proposal, if time permits, sometime in the direct or indirect future.

One Senate figure who is rallying around the idea is none other than Vice-President Joe Biden himself. “I think this is a swell idea,” he said, “and I fully support any effort to make the Redskins a stronger team on the offensive line, especially if we can gain a couple of decent draft picks.”

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2 Responses to “Republicans & Democrats Unite to Outsource Obama”

  1. Sharp and smart as always. But I feel compelled to mention that the Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and the ever popular Festivus for the Rest-of-us was not mentioned in the December holiday line-up. You may need to print an apology to at least the rest-of-us!

  2. chandlerswainreviews Says:

    Lorna’s Voice, an astute observation, (especially that first part) but we are not compelled to alter quotes given to us simply in the interest of political correctness. However, your point is well taken and it should be noted that unmentioned were not only Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Festivus, (a.k.a. A Festivus for the rest of us, as observed in more Orthodox communities) but also Ganga-Bois, National Fish Stick Week, Guy Fawkes Day, spectral observances by both Umbanda and Palo sects, Pancha Ganapati, Zombi observances by the Kumina, the Most Holy Procession of Brie and Nicotine of the Existentialistes malodorantes Parisienne, and Boxing Day.
    Here at The Huffing Tongue Post, our apology policy is that “We Never Apologize” staying consistent with the motto of our founders: Vnde commentum ab stamus. We apologize for any confusion.

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