by Varan Tremulus, Swain News Service
The Chinese have initiated what is seen by many to be the first indication of free enterprise in space. The Communist ruled nation has startled the world by launching what is feared will become the first of many take-out restaurants in orbit around the Earth.
From the Jiuquan Satellite Launch Centre, in the Gansu Province, in the middle of the Gobi Desert, six blocks from the Fat Fo Funn miniature golf center, China launched the Tiangong 1, the first orbital module in the nation’s sweeping plan to nail down dominance in the orbiting strip mall market, with the ultimate goal of being the first to reach the moon by the year 2020.
“Don’t say anything,” snickers NASA spokeperson Buzz “Jacko” Strongjaw. “When we landed there in 1969, they didn’t have many televisions over there, so I don’t think they know we’ve already been there. So mum’s the word. It’ll just be our private joke.”
The White House was less amused. “President Obama is not going to sit around and watch the Chinese beat us to the Moon. The space race is back on,” vowed White House spokesperson Myah Opiah. When advised that America had already reached the moon, Ophiah was unfazed. “Then our work here is done, ” she declared. “Another triumph of unprecedented leadership from the Obama administration.”
Sources at the CIA and NSA are worried about the timing of the launch. “It’s no coincidence it’s happening now,” says intelligence insider Name Withheld, “you just watch. Once we abandon the International Space Station you just know those Commies are going to t.p. the place. It’ll set us back years.”
Speculation is rampant that NASA will partner with P.F. Chang’s to formulate a competitive program to present to the White House next week.